Harper’s Bazaar, March 2010 Experienced 20Feb10

I have really been loving Chanel’s most recent ads with the bejeweled hair and Hepburn-esque LBDs. The first ad in this HB features one of my most favorite things- a poppy! Hooray for spring! This is a silk poppy on a purse and I want it.

I adore the metal bugle-bead exoskeleton look that Gucci is pushing for spring. Unwearable? Yes. But done on a smaller scale, it could be really flattering.

Madonna looks like a high-class hooker tutoring the next generation in this month’s Dolce & Gabbana ad. That’s probably not what they were going for.

Please add Bottega Veneta to the list of designers who can dress me anytime.

Shocking! Tommy Hilfiger is sporting stripes and nautical themes for spring. So revolutionary!

Lanvin still seems to think harem pants jumpsuits are acceptable.

If I ever become a trophy wife, I will lounge around in the sitting room attached to my walk-in closet wearing Ferragamo. And I will be happy.

Remember those ugly black sandals everyone had about 15 years ago that were all thick elastic and you can still probably buy them at Walmart? Donald J. Pliner has resurrected them, badly.

For all you Harry Potter fans, it looks like Estee Lauder is now selling Felix Felicis.

Marc Jacobs puts his transsexual fashion in a faux toilet, and the only part that offends me is the matching beaded scrunchy/ tiara on the model’s head.

HB recommends red sunglasses by Victoria Beckham to hop onto the Tribal trend this season. Because Posh Spice is so ethnic.

Another sign I am not HB’s target market: in the “Cheap Thrills” section for inexpensive fashion, they feature a $435 necklace and $245 t-shirt.

I think I have found a hateful replacement for the dreaded high-waisted pleated slouchy trousers: high-waisted belted pleated cuffed tailored sweatpants. Really. Sweatpants.

I curse the devils who are sending us to clog hell for spring and summer.

In the Buy Now Love Forever category we have harem pants and leotards. The category should be renamed Laugh Now Hate Forever.

Thankfully HB tells us that, contrary to Lady Gaga’s preference, pants are still important. Unfortunately, “Now we’re seeing the emergence of a fuller drop crotch. It’s new and fresh in luxurious fabrications.” Brought to you by the good people of Oops I Crapped My Pants.

I heart Jean Paul Gaultier: “I am the nun of the religion of fashion. Actually a mother superior.”

2 responses to “Harper’s Bazaar, March 2010 Experienced 20Feb10

  1. So many things to say. Like dropped crotch like parachute pants? Hateful. Like Faded Glory stretch pants from Walmart. Palewriter, can one buy a millinery poppy and afix it to a clutch to get the same look?

    Hilfiger continues to stay in his niche then — the same niche that L.L. Bean and a throng of other retailers are pushing this spring. Probably even Frederick’s but I suppose that would be naughty-cal. Posh Spice IS brunette now; doesn’t that make her ethnic?

    Harem pants are a no-go unless you wear them to dance — and even then the fabric’s got to be supersheer to avoid the dreaded arab clown effect.

    Kudos on the new review, Palewriter! Can u do a favorite write up on Fashion Week?

    • Definitely a millinery poppy would suffice, but you would have to pretend to be Lagerfeld and embellish the center with tons of glass seed beads. I get so overwhelmed looking at all the Fashion Week photos and write-ups- I’ve barely gotten into the New York stuff, and London and Madrid are already over and Milan is just starting. I can definitely do my own version of hits and misses though. When the next month of magazines come out that’s when we’ll get the really editorial view of how things look for fall.

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